The Secret

"Write a secret down.  Something that you’ve never told anyone else.”  That was the assignment one day during a week-long poetry workshop that I was participating in.  We were to write our secrets down, they would get mixed together and we could use the secret that we randomly picked as inspiration for a poem.  The secret that I drew was about sneaking into our camp’s dining hall and eating whipped cream from the container.  It was a really fun poem to write since the subjects I usually fell into were so serious.  A good friend of mine admitted later that it had been his secret.  I was glad that I didn’t know that beforehand since I would have written the poem an entirely different way, but I was also glad that is was his because it gave us a shared experience.

Although I didn’t know her, I vividly remember the woman who wrote about my secret.   I remember what her voice sounded like as she read her work.  Sincere and timid--she didn’t consider herself a writer.  It was one of the most moving pieces that I’d ever heard, and I would do anything to have a copy of that poem now.  But at the time I couldn’t admit to my secret.  My secret was:  “I fall in love almost every day.”

I had been married for about 14 years at the time, and my husband ran the camp where this workshop was being held.  I thought that people might get the wrong impression of what I meant.  Like I had a wandering eye.  People still might, but it does not really matter any more.  There are very few people that I feel accountable to at this point, and I think those people get it.  Get me.  So it is okay, and five years later I feel comfortable taking my secret public.  I fall in love almost every day. 

With the checkout person who has the bright genuine smile and interesting story, with the gardener who makes our space beautiful, with Geddy Lee because he is so comfortable in his own skin and sings crazy-high notes.  With my children because they are growing into remarkable men, with my boyfriend because we keep finding more things to like about each other.  With elderly people walking down the street holding hands.  Feeling connected to all sorts of people, enjoying all of the small and large interactions.  I fall in love almost every day.