Love By the Book

In late August of 1979 I decided it was time to get myself a boyfriend.  Not one to wait around for things to happen I picked up a Bell Telephone book and isolated the white pages.  I closed my eyes, opened the book up to a random page and pointed.  I opened my eyes to reveal the name of the person that would be my first love interest.  John Anderson*.  Sounded like a good match.  I realize the flaw in my plan was that an 11-year-old would not have a telephone number listed under his name in the phone book but I trusted the Universe nonetheless. 

A few weeks later I was in homeroom on the first day of school and the teacher was calling out roll call.  The first name read was "John Anderson.”  He actually went by Jonnie.  And yes, whether by fate or by design he soon became my first "boyfriend."  I don’t remember much about our relationship except that our first kiss was on the bus on the field trip to Harrisburg.  But our first “French” kiss…well that was an event and it seemed like most of the sixth grade knew it was going to happen before I did.  And many of them watched.   It was during a showing of the animated version of “The Hobbit.”  It was disgusting…no offense to Jonnie.  I don't think that my reaction had anything to do with his technique.  I just was not prepared for what a tongue actually would feel like no matter how many times I watched Joanie kiss Cha Chi on Happy Days.  It was slimy and bumpy like sea urchin sushi.  I don’t remember kissing him again.  I may not have.  But somehow, somewhere along the way, kissing became my favorite pastime. 

I met my current love interest (and hopefully my last) in a slightly less random way but it still felt like an invisible hand giving me direction.  Considering his last name is that of an animated character I have to wonder if I had opened the phone book to his name would I have trusted the Universe and sought him out?  Or would I have turned to a new page and pointed to a someone else?  Who knows.  But luckily I was given a little more information to go by, because he is a great match for me and turned out to be an excellent kisser.

*name changed to protect the very innocent.