Maybe it was because I was an only child. Maybe it was because I lost my father at a young age and was lonely and self-absorbed with insecurities. Maybe I was just a spoiled brat who had an epiphany at age 11. Regardless, I clearly remember the exact moment when I realized that everyone else has their own thoughts, completely independently of me, and it was in the fifth grade. In particular, I was thinking that a cute violin-playing fourth grader was probably not thinking about me that sunny Saturday afternoon. If he did have a thought about me it probably involved how annoying I was. The good old days before stalking got you expelled. There has to be research out there quantifying the average age we are when we realize that we are not the center of the Universe, and reason for all other beings to exist. 11 years old sounds a bit on the high side. My 10-year-old has me beat; for sure.
This morning, I was actually on track to have a good day. Lunches were made, breakfast wasn't a hassle, my hair was even dry and it was looking like I'd have enough free time to actually put on make-up before getting to work. That's where I was wrong. I had given my middle son a twenty dollar bill which he proceeded to lose within 5 minutes, somewhere between the dining room and bedroom. He was very upset and hard on himself. Then I heard the 10 year-old say that he found the money under the table. But that wasn't true. The original twenty had fallen out of his brother's pocket upstairs. I found it on my bed. So by now we had two twenty dollar bills, two upset boys and one late mother whose hair in the meantime frizzed out and circles were darkening under her eyes. Aaaarrghh. It turns out that the younger brother had planted a twenty under the table to make his brother feel better about losing money. When the original one was found he slipped the other one back into his wallet. So sweet. Maybe it's because he is the third child, a position that is impossible to be under the delusion the world begins and ends with you. It's not the first time that I've seen an altruistic side to him.
That wasn't the only act of generosity I witnessed today. The other was toward me when a friend literally gave me the skirt off of her hips simply because I really liked it. Now, I protested at first and tried to convince her not to give it to me, but she is not a woman who takes no for an answer. It turns out that I'm twice her size so I can't keep it anyway, but I was touched by the gesture. Gratitude is a state that I've improved on a lot as an adult, I'm content with less. But what I'm feeling gratitude for today are the people in my life that aid in my growth, and the knowledge that being grateful for something that you have is important, but so is recognizing when there is someone out there that would appreciate it even more. I wonder what my grade-school crush is thinking about today.
Another winner!
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