Speechless

If I had to chose one word to describe myself it would be "contradictory."  But even that word doesn't quite fit.  It connotes a lack of consistency which I do not think would apply.  It could allude to being confrontational, and while I don't back down I don't go looking for trouble either.  Words are imprecise; that can be a hindrance but occasionally useful.  A former boss called me the "Queen of Qualifying Statements" because if I didn't want to commit to a stance I would talk my way around it without speaking untruths.  I always try to choose my words carefully.  An example of my contradictory nature is that for someone who loves to read and write, I often find words to be an inadequate means of expression.


Ottmar Liebert is a renowned Flamenco guitarist and I had the privilege of meeting him several years ago.  His music was an inspiration to me and there was one song in particular that I loved off of his album Solo Para Ti called "Deep in Your Heart."  It was the only song with words.   I made a color drawing interpreting the song for an art class, and even though I didn't think the drawing was particularly wonderful, I liked it well enough to share it with him as a token of gratitude.  The day before, I had dropped off a letter and the artwork at the venue he was playing at, and after his concert I introduced myself.  He was quiet, but kind and gracious.  Years later I read in his blog about how he rarely ever put lyrics into his work because he wanted people to be able to interpret the music in their own way.  That made me a little regretful of my choice of song to illustrate.  He must have thought I was naive or unimaginative.  However at that earlier time, with so little life experience behind me, I don't know if I could have filled the spaces between the notes of an instrumental with my own thoughts.  


At this point in life, if I needed to truly describe myself to someone, it wouldn't be in words either.  I would tell them to listen to the song "Eddie's Gospel Groove" by Ronnie Earl and the Broadcasters.  It is a blues instrumental that starts out strong and fast on the first note and never relents.  There is a steady percussive beat in the background, and the occasional burst of intense guitar riffs.  I've listened to this song maybe a thousand times or more and have never had a lukewarm reaction to it.  Actually, I never even have had the same reaction to it.  There is no way to know how Ronnie was feeling when he composed the song, or what he intended for the listener to feel, because whenever I listen to it, it amplifies the mood I’m already in. I listened to it depressed and it took me to the brink of despair; I listened to it in a great mood and it moved me to euphoria.   I'm listening to it now.