Immoderation

"Mom, what happened to the M&Ms?" This was the question my son just asked, although he probably knew the answer before I replied that I was what happened to the M&Ms.  Self control in not one of my strong suits, particularly when chocolate is involved.  We are staying at my mother's house and she keeps a bowl of M&Ms in the kitchen.  Right there on the table.  Nuts.  I asked her why on Earth she would do that and she said just to have a little something sweet for when the urge hits, and this bowl could last her at least a month.  As I try not to think of all of the dust would coat a bowl of candy in a month, even in a house that is much cleaner than mine I look at the almost empty bowl.  Not much chance of my having consumed too many dust mites in 42 hours.   My children are better generally better behaved than I am, so I'm quite certain that I've eaten the majority of the M&Ms.

Considering I just spent 3 weeks trying to lose weight and get into shape I'm not too pleased with myself, but who could really blame me?  The bowl filled with invitingly colored chocolates is at the exact height of where my hand hangs at my side when I'm passing through the room.  Almost mechanically it grabs a fistful and pops them into my mouth.  The whole event takes about 2 seconds.  No time for thinking about it, no time to weigh the options.  Instant gratification followed by instant guilt.  Not to say that there isn't usually candy of some sort at my house but at least it is in packaging, on a shelf, behind the cabinet door.  Too many steps which give me some time to come to my senses and gain some resolve.

I can say no to chocolate, but can't eat it in moderation.  All or nothing.  I've gone months on end without eating sweets, but one desert will send my on a frenzy where I eat my weight in sugar.  The ability to enjoy things in moderation is a quality that I really admire in other people.  Those freaks of nature who can take one candy from the heart-shaped box, eat it slowly and then settle back and smile contentedly.  I'd like to learn how to do that someday, maybe as next New Year's resolution, but for now I'm almost out of the woods since the bowl is nearly empty and we are leaving in the morning.  We are going to visit the other grandmother...the one who bakes cakes.