What Should I be When I Grow Up

So far, I feel that professionally I've failed.  I've never had a job that was particularly interesting, challenging or financial rewarding.  That isn't to say that I haven't learned anything in these positions, and I've definitely made great personal connections.  Enough money has been earned to get by.  Do I lack drive?  No, not really, and I'm a conscientious worker.  Out of pride and a sense of responsibility I try to do a good job, no matter what the job is.  Career choices is a hot topic at the moment as my two oldest are teenagers and are starting to have to be conscious of what the future can hold for them.  The younger of the two is 13, and he is particularly horrified by the thought of ending up with a job like I have.  

Part of me can't blame him, I'm required to be in an office building with questionable air quality and almost no natural light.  I have to deal with annoying situations on a daily basis.  There is very little room for creativity.  To a 13 year old, I can see how my life could be considered unadulterated hell.  It's not.  Quite the opposite in fact, I'm very happy.  Maybe not ecstatically so from 7:30am-4:00pm Monday through Friday, but even then it could be much worse.  It's a good company; I have a wonderful boss and the days are busy.  So I find myself trying to strike a balance with him, telling him that your job does not have to be what gives you fulfillment in life.  Friends, family, hobbies and other interests can do that too.   But it would be nice if the 8 or so hours he will spend at work made him happy too.  So I also encourage him to think about what he likes to do and help him find ways to pursue those interests.  Encourage them all to do their best and try to get good grades, but in the end their successes in school and ultimately at work are not the only measure of a good life.

How did I personally get off to such an unremarkable professional start?  Part of it was indecision.  I enjoy so many things and did not have any obvious talents toward one or another.  So what to chose?  The problem is when you don't make a choice, the choice is often made for you, or worse all options are eventually taken off the table.  Since I did not have a passion for a career I stepped out of the job market to focus on what I did have a passion for--raising and homeschooling my three boys.   I don't regret that decision at all because I believe those years were instrumental in shaping them into the  kind, intelligent and funny young men that they are.  Those years were probably instrumental in shaping myself as well.  

It is no longer acceptable to me to not actively participate in the direction of my life.  And while I still enjoy so many things that it is hard to choose one, I've come up with another parameter.  There are some things that I enjoy "having done," I am proud of the outcome or the accomplishment but don't particularly enjoy the process.  Like drawing or painting, I liked having made art much more than I enjoyed making the art.  Recently it has hit me that with writing I genuinely enjoy the process.  Thinking about topics, putting ideas down, changing them, and trying to tie up loose ends and correct mistakes.  The next time the "what should I be when I grow up" conversation comes up with the boys that will be my advice.   Don't hesitate--choose to spend your time doing something that you enjoy.