A 13-year-old that I know aptly summed up the middle school years with the following statement: "I'm embarrassed by everything." Then with a sheepish look before a quick exit added, "I'm even embarrassed about being embarrassed." Perpetual embarrassment is an adolescent fact of life. And the best strategy that the youth have come up with to minimize their exposure to embarrassment is to try to be exactly like everyone else. Same hair, same clothes, same video games, even the same items for lunch.
The unfortunate outcome of trying to be just like everyone else, is that they become just like everyone else. Camouflaging flaws but also hiding the interesting bits as well. Our individuality is a gift. We were created in all shapes and colors, with different talents and passions. It is painful to witness the intentional homogenization. Particularly when these kids give up the activities that they truly enjoy in order to fit in. But kids aren't the only ones to change because of others. It is a familiar story, when you get into a relationship you want to spend as much time as possible with that person. Friends and even hobbies are competition for time, and in order to deepen the relationship the friends and hobbies get cut out. Ironically, the couple looses some of the qualities that drew them together to begin with.
I did this as well. Before meeting Scott I was dancing a few times a week, latin, ballroom, freestyle...dancing of almost every kind is my favorite thing to do. But my boyfriend did not dance, so neither did I. There were times that every cell in my body wanted to be out moving to music. Without this outlet I was less "me" less of what defined me as a person. I have other interests so it was not like I was reduced to nothing but it still nagged at me. And then I started taking a Zumba class at work. It was like getting a big part of myself back, and I think that is what a relationship really needs. Not someone who can spend every minute with you, but someone who nurtures their own interests whether or not you are both engaged in them.
No comments:
Post a Comment